New year, same old story.
Every week around the globe, footballers oscillate between brilliance and idiocy. And every Friday, the Video Stars blog is there to filter the best and worst of it, just for you.
As is traditional, we'll start with the howlers. No one does the âÂÂI really ballsed up then and I know itâ look quite like poor old Scott Carson. Then again, he has had a fair bit of practice at it â and he got in some more last weekend at Villa Park when he allowed Gabriel AgbonlahorâÂÂs shot to squirm through him like it was a wet night at Wembley.
Perhaps CarsonâÂÂs only consolation was that he was far from the only keeper dropping a clanger last weekend. CelticâÂÂs Artur Boruc â who has previous with the Video Stars blog after this howler against Hibs â has been at it again, this time tearing out of his area to execute a perfect air-shot, the better to let in DundeeâÂÂs Colin McMenamin for the easiest goal of his career.
Boruc: Normally good with crosses
Abroad now, and who doesn't like to see a plump goalkeeper give the ball away, scramble helplessly through the dirt as a shot rolls past him, then try to blame a defender? Cue âÂÂGenerousâ Jeroen Verhoeven for Volendam against Vitesse.
As ever, gaffe-prone goalkeepers aren't helped by their team-"mates." Take ValladolidâÂÂs Alvaro Rubio, whose half-arsed backpass merely set up Sporting de GijonâÂÂs David Barral to make it 2-0.
Obviously keen to display his own defensive ineptitude, Gijon goalkeeper Sergio Sanchez later came flapping out like a crap Superman allowing Garcia Calvo to net a late consolation for Valladolid.
No such late goals for Porto, who were held to a surprise 0-0 draw at home by Trofense. But there would have been, had Guarin not blocked his own manâÂÂs shot in a late flurry of activity in the Trofense goalmouth. What's Portuguese for "Move, fool!"?
áGOL!
From the ridiculous to the sublime: let's applaud the best goals of the week.
Leo Messi was up to his usual brilliance for Barcelona at foggy Osasuna, but this 25-yard larrup completed a gritty comeback for the Catalans against the drop-dodgers.
"Tee hee hee! Can't catch me! I'm The Flea, and I've made it 2-3!"
Barça are 12 points clear in La Liga, but they're being pursued doggedly and stylishly by Real Madrid and Sevilla. Sergio Ramos sealed MadridâÂÂs 3-0 win at Mallorca with this cheeky little volleyed nutmeg, while Sevilla striker Freddie Kanoute turned provider with a lovely little bit of trickery setting up Luis Fabiano to lash in an equaliser for 10-man Sevilla at Deportivo.
In France, Bordeaux's Fernando Cavenaghi reacted to a long through-ball floated over his shoulder in the best possible way â by lashing it past the keeper on the half-volley, like Robbie Keane. Except Argentinian. And in Ligue Un.
If Bordeaux fans thought they'd have to wait a while to see a better goal, they were wrong. Yoann Gourcuff may have flattered to deceive at AC Milan, but he's thoroughly enjoying his loan spell in south-western France, and scoring goals like this â five faultless quickfire touches to beat two men and a goalkeeper â might even justify his old "New Zidane (no, really)" tag.
Not many Juve players overshadow Zidane, but one is Alex del Piero, who netted a tidy little free-kick in a 1-0 win over Siena. It was also his sixth free kick goal of the season, a new personal record. Which is nice for everyone.
Also banging in free-kicks this week were Emana, who put his foot through this 20-yarder for Betis against Malaga, and Espanyol's Nicolas Pareja, whose 95th-minute 25-yarder earned a point against Almeria. Meanwhile, BilbaoâÂÂs Koikili didn't need a free-kick to get his side back in the game at Atletico Madrid â he leathered in this long-ranger from open play.
Finally this week, it's back to Italy, where David Beckham made his debut for AC Milan â the club founded by an Englishman, the team whose shirt has been graced by English legends like Jimmy Greaves, Ray Wilkins, Mark Hateley and Luther Blissett. Fittingly, Milan's second â a glorious dart and chipped finish â was scored by Pato.
AND FINALLY
How about this for a comeback? You may have read in FourFourTwo that former Portsmouth and Uruguay forward Dario Silva had to have his right leg amputated following a car crash in 2006. Well, this week he played in a charity match wearing a prosthetic leg â and scored a penalty that the keeper dared not save.
Enjoy the weekend's games â and send details of any great goals or gormless gaffes to gary.parkinson@haymarket.com
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