A-G!
G-R-O!
A-G-R-O!
Aggro!
Ah, the illiterate, lumpen chanting of Crazy WorldâÂÂs youth. WeâÂÂd like to say that weâÂÂve grown up and moved on since then. But that would be a rotten lie.
And we bet you havenâÂÂt, either. Be honest now: is there anything better than witnessing mindless violence on the football field?
Yes, yes, weâÂÂd run a mile and cower in a corner if we saw any real, Danny Dyer-endorsed âÂÂnaughtinessâÂÂ, of course.
And players who fight are a disgrace, bad role models for kids, and should be locked up with the key thrown away etc.
But letâÂÂs face it: when David Coleman popped up on the telly before the infamous âÂÂ62 World Cup Battle of Santiago between Chile and Italy and declared that what we were about to witness was âÂÂthe most appalling, disgusting and disgraceful exhibition, possibly in the history of the gameâÂÂ, how many people do you think turned off, appalled?
And how many do you reckon turned and bellowed: âÂÂQuick! Kids! Grandma! YouâÂÂve gotta see this! ItâÂÂs going off on the telly!âÂÂ
ItâÂÂs a bit like when The Daily Mail gets on its extra-lofty high horse about, say, Sophie Dahl appearing naked in a perfume advert, then prints a whopping great picture of it just so all us decent citizens can be absolutely disgusted. (Remind yourself here. Crazy WorldâÂÂs virgin eyes were stunned and offended, naturally).
So. Five players getting sent off in the Bogota derby match in which Millonarios beat La Equidad 2-1 this week was right up our bloodthirsty street.
This was small fry, however, compared to some of our favourites. The aggro connoisseur know there are many different sorts of brawl.
ThereâÂÂs your average, rather pathetic example: basically an embarrassing display of pushing and shoving in which nobody wants to get their precious face hurt, like this LA Galaxy vs Chivas match involving David Beckham and somebody called Buddle.
Then thereâÂÂs your proper ruckus, which incorporated actual physical pain, and should really lead to jail sentences and restraining orders. Try this South American melee, a schoolyard pagga if ever weâÂÂve seen one.
And then thereâÂÂs your festival of improvised Kung Fu, basically a small scale war, which only someone as unhinged as Maradona can inspire.
If thatâÂÂs not enough for you, FourFourTwo.com have even found the 20 best dust-ups on Youtube for your delectation.
Just so you can remind yourself that thereâÂÂs no place for this in football, and that lifetime bans should be issued all round, of course. Bloody outrage...
