Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger has insisted he will remain perfectly dry despite the recent loss of his only recognised umbrella.
The unglamorous but useful French-made umbrella was damaged by a gust of wind on Saturday, leaving Wenger without a dedicated anti-rain canopy and in risk of being exposed to the elements.
“The umbrella looked great at the start of the season, and nobody could have predicted bad weather in the Midlands in November,” Wenger told FourFourTwo. “Fortunately I have a pair of cycling shorts that are almost waterproof, and a copy of the Evening Standard which I can hold above my head until the umbrella is mended.”
No spending
Wenger added that he had nearly finished repairing a lace parasol which could also be pressed into service should circumstances require.
“Now is not the time to talk about new umbrellas,” he said. “Everybody will be showing me YouTube clips of umbrellas from now until January, but I would rather build my own umbrellas out of my favourite materials, which are balsa wood and muslin and sequins.”
Arsenal fan Claire Benedict said: “Every year it rains around this time, and it ruins Arsene’s suit. But it wouldn’t be a problem if he just learned how to spot a decent umbrella.
“I remember the days when he had a whole range of sturdy, world-class umbrellas to choose from, but at some point he decided he’d rather spend the money on satin cravats and purple suede moccasins. They might be OK in Islington but you can’t get away with that on a wet Tuesday in Stoke.”
At press time, a saturated Wenger was reportedly holding a walking stick above his head while insisting that he was completely dry.
