Belgium international Benteke was shown a straight red card after 65 minutes at Villa Park in Sunday's Premier League clash after raising his hand into Ryan Mason's face off the ball, a moment that proved to be costly.
The hosts were leading at the time courtesy of an Andreas Weimann strike that ended Villa's 547-minute goal drought.
Nacer Chadli equalised six minutes from time and Harry Kane struck in the 90th minute to ensure Villa have now lost six consecutive league matches for the first time since 1967.
And Lambert was left to rue Benteke's dismissal, which will result in a three-match ban.
He told BBC Sport: "I thought we were excellent thought the game. Okay we lost but the red card changed the game. There were so many positives but one disappointment.
"We were up against a good side but I thought we looked like the team likely to score but the way things are going sometimes, things go against you. Performance wise I could not have asked for more.
"Christian Benteke was showing great form, Tottenham could not handle him and it is disappointing with the red card. You cannot condone what he did but it is not like he threw a Mike Tyson punch.
"My daughter can punch harder than that."
