Adam Johnson's 90th-minute goal condemned Pardew's men to a 1-0 home loss on Sunday, making it four derby wins in a row for Sunderland.
And Pardew, whose side have now won just one of their last six games in all competitions, was left deflated after a game of missed chances.
"There is not much I can say that will gloss over it," he told BBC Sport. "Our fans know it's another defeat to Sunderland and it hurts. It hurts us."
The nature of the goal - Johnson capping a fine counter-attack as Sunderland turned defending a corner into an attacking move - was particularly frustrating for the boss.
Pardew added: "We had a set-play and then they went straight up the other end and scored.
"I think in the second half, we deserved something from the game. We really pushed and I think it's always dangerous to overcommit in these games.
"We had done that well but in the last 10 minutes, we were pushing a little too hard.
"We ended up a little dysfunctional trying to win it. I am not going to criticise my players for that.
"I would take a draw now, of course. It was a good game. You always want your team to push for a win. But we need to learn from it because you need to be disciplined."
