Cynical old La Liga Loca has been around for a few centuries now in one form or another and is all too aware that âÂÂdream finalsâ rarely turn out that way.
So knowing already that WednesdayâÂÂs affair will be to football what Guti is to commitment, the blog has taken pleasure from seeing what Photoshopped front-cover Sport would produce ahead of the critical clash, instead.
And as ever, the Barcelona-based paper did not disappoint.
The pressure was definitely on after their splendid effort from two years ago which portrayed Joan Laporta as God and Frank Rijkaard as Moses handing down the presidentâÂÂs Ten Commandments before the new season.
"Here, take these tablets"
But Sport delivered the goods with some gusto on Tuesday with an effort that featured the Barça players as gladiators - or rather, the heads of Barça players jammed onto the bodies of gladiators.
To be fair to the paperâÂÂs art department, Messi and Piqué looked just fine thrusting their swords in the air.
But Thierry Henry resembled a Russell Crowe body-graft that had gone very badly wrong and poor old Xavi looked like the tiny-headed man from Beetlejuice.
WednesdayâÂÂs edition trumpets the âÂÂsuper finalâ between Leo Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo - Wayne Rooney appears to be completely unheard of in Spain - with what feels like 28 pages of drivel from the keyboard of Josep MarÃÂa Casanovas.
Much of his thesis portrays Manchester United as the vulgar plaything of evil capitalists unlike the pure-as-a-kitten's-trump Barça who âÂÂare completely the opposite, a local entity that strives to be a multinational of passion and feeling.âÂÂ
Casanovas is also under the assumption that Barcelona will be facing a late-'80s Wimbledon side by huffing that Manchester United play âÂÂtypical English football: the sooner the ball is with the strikers the better,â as opposed to the culé club's âÂÂquality, spectacle and good football.âÂÂ
"Italy here we come!"
Mundo Deportivo are quite beside themselves, with Joan Josep Pallàs calling the Champions League clash âÂÂthe most important that Barça have played in their 109 years.âÂÂ
On its website, MD is updating a minute-by-minute account of the day with the first post at 07.23 noting that a large number of fans are flying to Rome that morning.
After putting up some links to opinion polls in the paper, the YTS student in charge of the column appears to have given up the ghost on the section at 08.55... or gone for the traditional second breakfast.
AS are getting into the spirit of the occasion with editor Alfredo Relaño poking his stick into camp culé for the evening. âÂÂDespite everything, I see Barça as favourites as they play good football, extremely good football.âÂÂ
Barking mad Madrid fan Tomás Roncero will not hear of such crazy talk and claims that he and âÂÂ99.9 percent of Madridistas will be with Rooney and Ronaldo tonight,â while scoffing that Real won their third European Cup â something Barcelona are trying to achieve tonight â some 51 years ago.
Third time lucky in 1958
Marca attempt to get into the Champions League mood with WednesdayâÂÂs editorial lauding âÂÂthe best final possible between the two best teams in the world.âÂÂ
But Marca being Marca, the paper also finds time to throw some praise in RaúlâÂÂs direction by berating the 11 percent of Madrid members who want to turf the club captain out of Castle Greyskull, according to the paperâÂÂs opinion poll on the topic.
âÂÂHe doesnâÂÂt deserve that,â fumes the paper. âÂÂHe is the most professional, most serious and most committed player in the side.âÂÂ
Raúl was also the second best player in the last round of action, according to the paperâÂÂs season-long âÂÂRaul-awardâ vote.
But despite the Madrid captainâÂÂs fine, match-winning performance against Mallorca in the awful 3-1 defeat, he is still one place behind Leo Messi in the overall rankings - a position that the judges may well be âÂÂadjustingâ at the end of the season.
Meanwhile, the rest of the world will be watching God's chosen ones vs Vinnie Jones's Crazy Gang.
Just don't blame La Liga Loca if the dream final's a disappointment.
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