To avoid a repeat of the deplorably dishonest presidential elections of 2006, a poll the local Colombos are still combing through - âÂÂOne more thing before you go, Mr Calderón...â - Real MadridâÂÂs bigwigs came up with a rather nifty plan... donâÂÂt have them.
And thatâÂÂs pretty much how Florentino Pérez came to strut onto the stage at Castle Greyskull on Monday afternoon to announce the return of truth and justice to the âÂÂworldâÂÂs greatest sporting institution,â making it sound more like a life insurance company rather than a club where men have fun kicking a ball about.
Although there was never any doubt over the outright winner of the Real Madrid rat-race, Pérez was reclaiming his place at the Bernabeu buffet a fortnight early, seeing as he was the only one whose candidature was accepted.
The seats held their own protest
ThatâÂÂs not to say there werenâÂÂt any other challengers for post. There were, but all failed to meet the exacting requirements listed in MadridâÂÂs statutes.
Namely: must have been a member for 10 years; must be Spanish; must be stinking rich; must have the initials FP.
As president of the multi-trillion dollar ACS corporation, Florentino's not short of a bob or two.
And this is why he was the only presidential pretender who could come up with 57 million euro - or 15 percent of the clubâÂÂs deposit - required to enter the official race.
The original idea of the cash deposit was the heart-warming notion that anyone wanting to stand in the race would have to be so rich that stealing from the club would not be a motivating factor for taking role.
And, to be fair, this statute has prevented a couple of shady characters getting anywhere near the Bernabeu this time round.
Juan OnievaâÂÂs presidential campaign lasted just one day after his electoral video featured a six-fingered JFK and he made the claim that Barack Obama became a Real Madrid fan by seeing the team playing in black during their ninth European Cup win.
"Real Ma-WhoInTheWhatNow?"
The last candidate to pull out of the poll was Eduardo GarcÃÂa, a peculiar 29-year-old who was backed by an organisation for the disabled (OID) that has just been fined 120,000 euro for illegal activities.
Or, so say Marca, a pro-Pérez paper with an interest in making all other competitors look less than wholesome.
However, this ruling over a multimillion-euro deposit or âÂÂavalâ means that anyone who is not fortunate enough to be filthy rich or have filthy rich friends cannot be president of Real Madrid.
But despite this notion that Pérez and his posse are too rich to need to stick their paws into the Real Madrid cookie jar, the new president has reportedly forced his 15 buddies on the board to sign promises not to exploit the club for their own means.
Unless it involves selling off the training ground or other pieces of real estate, that is.
In fact, it's hard to know quite why he needs 15 greying old men on the clubâÂÂs payroll to help him run the teamâÂÂs affairs.
âÂÂItâÂÂs as if he is going to start a special journey into space rather than run the club for four years,â notes Roberto Palomar in Marca.
RM's new website editor reports for duty
In a five-minute acceptance speech only briefly interrupted by the Real Madrid anthem blaring out over the speakers, Florentino Pérez called for âÂÂthe unity of the fans.âÂÂ
To tell the truth, La Liga Loca feels that this demand is a little bit rich considering that not one of the 70,000 clubâÂÂs socios were able to vote either for or against their new figurehead.
After all, even Ramón Calderón got a good 10 percent of the ballot in the 2006 election â the one that was suspended after accusations of vote-tampering.
While it is true that the whole changeover process was managed in a more dignified manner than three years ago, it doesnâÂÂt alter the simple fact that Florentino PérezâÂÂs return to the Bernabeu was a coronation, not an election.
At no point did members get the chance to challenge the wisdom of potentially increasing the clubâÂÂs debt by some 200m-300m euro, should all of the current transfer rumours come true.
There was no opportunity for supporters to cast doubt on his claims of wanting to âÂÂSpanishizeâ the squad, considering the 17 purchases of his last tenure included just one Spanish player, Sergio Ramos.
Instead, Pérez has returned to Real Madrid with a cheesy smile and flashy names - Look, Zidane! Look, Kaká! - in the hope that everyone will forget that what was supposed to be a democratic institution has turned into a monarchy.
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