The Hard-Hitting Weekend Predictions - Round 22

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Saturday

Sporting (13th) vs Valencia (3rd)

La Liga Loca has never understood a footballerâÂÂs inability to hold two thoughts in their tiny, newt-sized brains at any given time.

We mere mortals have to juggle such notions as getting out of bed, not getting fired, what to do if that happens, what to have for tea, whether watching SpainâÂÂs favourite bike, Belen Esteban, humiliate herself on âÂÂStrictly Come Dancingâ is worth enduring the remaining 170 minutes of the programme, all in the space of a millisecond.

However, the international wonâÂÂt let that happen at this yearâÂÂs World Cup that the future Real Madrid Karim Benzema replacement fully intends to enjoy.

âÂÂIâÂÂm going to control everything that comes out of my mouth,â Villa ingeniously stated on Wednesday.


"Oh balls, I forgot to set the video for Strictly Come Dancing..."

There are some simple-minded souls out there who may be thinking that Real Madrid not having the best of times in recent years was due to having six presidents, countless managers and the likes of Pablo García plodding around the pitch.

Well, mad Madridista and AS columnist Tomás Roncero has happily taken time out to correct such foolish notions by blaming the election of Angel María Villar - he of the âÂÂVillaratoâ pro-Barcelona refereeing conspiracy - as head of the Spanish FA in 2004, for Real only managing two league titles in that time.

âÂÂThis is reality,â burbles Roncero.

âÂÂThe Villarato is a system of rigid self-censorship. The referees know that if you make a mistake that favours Barça then youâÂÂll be OK.âÂÂ

The Andalusian coach, Joaquín Caparrós, has decided that the freezing temperatures and snow currently being enjoyed in the Basque Country are very much to his taste, and has renewed his current contract with the San Mamés club, a contract that was due to expire in June.

Despite AS reporting that the deal was only finalised when the clubâÂÂs bigwigs agreed not to sell their best players and invest in some new ones over the summer, Caparrós says that his signature came with no strings attached.

âÂÂOf course I didnâÂÂt demand any kind of conditionsâ snapped âÂÂJokinâ to probing hacks.

Just look at the fine excuse offered up by one politician for an enormous freebie in this weekâÂÂs News from Sweden, courtesy of thelocal.se.

âÂÂFredrick Federley passed the buck to Ursula, his transvestite alter ego, when put on the spot for accepting an all expenses paid trip to Gran Canaria.

'Well, this was pretty much tied to my drag personality, Ursula. It's not me as a member of parliament doing this; it's more a case of me travelling as my drag personality'."

TodayâÂÂs weather from La Liga Loca reports that temperatures could be as low as -5 when this game kicks off on Sunday evening.

And thatâÂÂs even more reason for fans to not bother watching it.

Getafe (8th) vs Almería (15th)

Stung by fierce criticism last week from La Liga Loca that both Almería and Valladolid were a complete wastes of space and deserving of relegation, the coach of the former, Juan Manuel Lillo, has hit back strongly by arguing that Almería is a team that has not been in the relegation zone for a single week, since being promoted to the top flight in 2007.

Indeed, Almería have managed to finish in 7th and 11th in their two seasons in la Primera, putting this blog firmly in its place on the naughty step.

However, Lillo did admit that Almería does âÂÂlack a little bit of identity.âÂÂ

Racing (11th) vs Málaga (16th)

For the briefest of moments it looked like Racing were to be offered the chance of clawing back their 4-0 Copa del Rey semi-final deficit against Atlético Madrid from the first leg.

But sadly for the Cantabrians it wasnâÂÂt to be with the capital city club finishing the tie as 6-3 winners.

The Sevilla president has quite rightly poo-pooâÂÂed the initial idea of the Vicente Calderón, the home of the teamâÂÂs opponents in May, Atlético Madrid.

âÂÂWe will not be playing the game there if Atleti qualify,â blustered José Maria del Nido, on Thursday, âÂÂthey know the pitch and the dimensions.âÂÂ

However, it appears that the Bernabeu is going to be the most likely option for MayâÂÂs clash offering the wonderful opportunity of seeing FlorentinoâÂÂs face as Barcelona lift the Champions League trophy and Atleti win the cup in Real MadridâÂÂs delightful home.

Atlético (12th) vs Barcelona (1st)

La Liga Loca brings two pieces of good news for Barcelona fans concerned that their sideâÂÂs complete lack of defence will lead to the Dream Boysâ third successive league loss in the Vicente Calderón.

1) Luis Perea and Tomas Ujfalusi are still Atlético Madrid players.
2) Quique Sánchez Floresâ words after the rojiblancos 3-2 defeat against Racing, a result that still ensured AtletiâÂÂs qualification for the Copa del Rey:

âÂÂThe players are professionals,â deadpanned the Atlético boss without a hint of a giggle when asked if they will be taking it easy during SundayâÂÂs tie.

For that reason, the Spanish league moving Tenerife vs Mallorca to 9pm on Monday evening isnâÂÂt going to make the fear-changing La Liga Loca tinker with its schedule.

Considering the blog has recently endured the hard-hitting but brilliant The Road, there may a doom-and-gloom theme in next weekâÂÂs ramblings from la Liga unless someone in the blogosphere can recommend something different.

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