Maybe a crutch-clasping Kaká could have turned up at his Real Madrid medical just over a year ago looking like Mr Bump and still passed it with flying colours.
Maybe what now appears to be the less-than-thorough probing of the perma-knacked Brazilian was nothing more demanding than having his gonads cupped and being asked to cough.
Or maybe nothing, not even an evidently dodgy groin or knackered knee was going to stand - or rather lean uncomfortably on one leg - in the way of a â¬65m flagship signing for the clubâÂÂs new president back in the summer of 2009.
If the latter was the case, then the club has made a massive mistake.
When the Bernabeu-barmy Marca are criticising the on- and off-pitch performances of a Florentino Pérez Galactico Holy Trinity signing, then itâÂÂs quite evident that Kaká is in all sorts of trouble and has just exceeded his footballing credit line at the club.
A matter of days after the paper boasted that José Mourinho was going to restore the Brazilian to the form that made him the World Player of the Year in 2007, it seems that the Real boss is going to have to wait until at least December before he can begin his miraculous transformation of a footballer that most Madridistas have written off a washed-up waste of money less than committed to their clubâÂÂs cause.
Kaká has just had his left knee opened up - the one that was operated on in 2008 - and will be out of action for a good four months according to his doctor Marc Martens.
This wouldn't be a major story if he werenâÂÂt already struggling with a groin injury that he brought with him from Milan â the groin injury that rendered his debut La Liga season a bit lacklustre, to put it mildly.
And with both Marca and AS claiming that Kaká knew his knee was knacked and needed attention, but failed to inform Real Madrid so as perhaps not to ruin his summer holidays, both papers have reached the end of their respective tethers with the footballer.
The former partly blames the Brazilian FA for fielding Kaká in the World Cup and quotes Dr Martens as saying that the forward put his career in serious danger by taking part in the competition. However, MarcaâÂÂs editorial on Friday jâÂÂaccuses Kaká himself for failing to âÂÂfess up his injury to the club which paid rather a lot of money for his services.
âÂÂEvery Madrid player is obligated to immediately communicate a change in their state of heath,â fumes the paper. âÂÂHis silence not only put into doubt his participation with Madrid this season but also his future as a professional,â saying that the amazing diligence of the clubâÂÂs medical staff in spotting Kaká hobbling around the practice pitch squealing âÂÂOw! Ow! Ow!â has prevented more serious damage to his knackered knee.
AS are all with the tutting too over âÂÂa knee injury that the footballer kept quiet about,â with the paperâÂÂs editorial recalling a terrible first year for Kaká along with the claim from Mrs Kaká that God put the money in the hands of Florentino Pérez to sign her husband. âÂÂMadridismo feels concerned, almost cheated,â writes Alfredo Relaño.
José Mourinho himself doesnâÂÂt seem at all fussed about losing the footballer for four months, probably because he has the no-longer-for-sale Rafael van der Vaart and promising youngster Sergio Canales to call on as cover. âÂÂItâÂÂs not a drama, weâÂÂve got another players,â said Mourinho when the news of KakáâÂÂs injury broke.
And of course, Mourinho also has Cristiano Ronaldo in his squad, the footballer who was the star of the show - according to Marca anyway - in the clubâÂÂs 3-2 win over Mexican side América in a pre-season friendly in San Francisco.
âÂÂThe âÂÂMou-Teamâ also depends on Cristiano,â sighed the paper lovingly after a game which produced a free-kick goal from the hugely-remunerated, newly-renumerated âÂÂCR7âÂÂ. âÂÂThe Portuguese star was generous and left signs of his quality.âÂÂ
Of course, there was no mention of a handy cameo from Gonzalo HiguaÃÂn, who also grabbed a goal in his second half appearance.
All this shows that very little will be changing at Castle Greyskull in the season to come: fans fuming at KakáâÂÂs latest crockage. HiguaÃÂn being ignored. And Cristiano Ronaldo still the king of the world.
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