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Man United lose another 40 goals-a-season star

To lose one gargantuan goal-machine of a footballer over the course of the summer, as happened to Manchester United with the departure of Cristiano Ronaldo, can be considered unlucky.

To lose two is just plain daft.

But thatâÂÂs the unfortunate fate suffered by Sir Alex in this close season. ThatâÂÂs according to former Red Devils striker Manucho, anyway.

âÂÂMy aim is to score between 30 and 40 goals,â boasted the confident newcomer.

After the giggles and sniffles had died down, his manager José Luis Mendilibar was forced to take the wind of his happy hitmanâÂÂs sails by asking if âÂÂanyone has told him that last year we had a lot of games where we didnâÂÂt see the goal.âÂÂ

But the Pucela coach had to apologise soon after, when reminded that a league where DeportivoâÂÂs Riki can find the back of the net on regular occasions can't be all that.


"Get off, Rooney, I'd've scored four by now" 

Although the side lost star keeper Sergio Asenjo to Atlético Madrid, Valladolid have picked up the might-be-handy-one-day striker Alberto Bueno from Real MadridâÂÂs second side, Castilla, and have taken defensive midfielder Pelé on loan from Porto.

Some of the more pensionable players in the squad have either retired, been booted out or simply shot round the back of the training ground shed as the club looks for a safe mid-table berth next season and avoid the dramatic collapse of the last campaign, which saw them a nanobotâÂÂs knickers away from dropping into la Segunda.

José Jurado and Cleber Santana have returned to Vicente Calderón after loan spells whilst keeper Carlos Moyá has moved to Valencia.

Although some youngsters have been promoted to first team football, Mallorca's squad is looking 'waffer' thin and must be thrown into the same lobster pot of doom as Xerez as early favourites for the drop in the new campaign.

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