Prem Predictions: Torn ears, shot knees & punched faces

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ItâÂÂs a good weekend for Arsenal to catch Manchester United, who look vulnerable to a free-scoring Chelsea, writes Huw Davies.

And after their HalloweâÂÂen nightmare at Fulham last weekend, Liverpool wonâÂÂt want any fireworks against Birmingham in the wake of Guy Fawkesâ Night â just a nice, quiet win would do.

We shall see. Oh, and seven correct predictions out of 10 last week? I'VE ARRIVED. About bloody time.

Bolton essentially lost 8-0 to Chelsea in last weekâÂÂs double-header, while OâÂÂNeillâÂÂs men failed to win any of their four consecutive games on the road.

On the plus side for Villa, John Carew found the net for the first time in approximately six years and even though Jamie Milner wonâÂÂt feature, Still-here Petrov should limp onto the pitch for 90 minutes.

And you get to play Ashley Young Bingo, in which you mark every time he scores a free kick, misses a penalty and gets booked. If he does all three, stand up and shout âÂÂHOUSEâÂÂ.

What wonâÂÂt happen: House
What will happen: A home win has the Villa flags flying through a giant sigh of relief

If you'd said a month ago that Pompey would notch up two 4-0 wins in a row, I'd have punched you in the face and called you a liar.

They'd be better off with a back line of Sooty hand puppets.

So can they keep a clean sheet at home to last-placed Pompey? I'm going with no.

What won't happen: Theoretically, Portsmouth â who didn't take a single point from their first seven games â could move up to 16th with a win and other results going their way. Won't happen though
What will happen: Confidence and a well-timed fixture against weak opposition â pomp and circumstance for Paul Hart. A point keeps the momentum going

When he saw a month of fixtures against Villa, Wigan, Fulham and Birmingham, Mark Hughes probably wouldn't have been wanting four draws.

The dropped points puts City further behind the league leaders than they'd like, but a home win over Burnley will help.

The Clarets, meanwhile, aren't fazed.

When asked about City's millions, Burnley boss Owen Coyle said his team would pay their opponents respect but concentrate on their own game â which may be the most boring pre-match statement ever made.

What won't happen: Coyle to celebrate a shock win by jabbing his finger in Hughes's face, shouting "WHO ARE YA? WHO ARE YA?"
What will happen: Coyle to take defeat with a shrug and more statements to make people tear off their ears in boredom

Three games without a win has seen that pace slacken, though, and sick notes or suspensions for Lee Cattermole, Kenwyne Jones and Lorik Cana are the bullets to the knees that could see them stumble and fall.

Uh, I'm not advocating Usain Bolt or Sunderland players should be shot in the kneecaps by the way.

Please don't take that as incitement to do so. Guns don't kill people â bad metaphors do.

What won't happen: Steve Bruce to take defeat like a man
What will happen: Spurs get back on track; Sunderland do not. Steve Bruce has a whinge

In the nine games left before the first decade of the 21st century ends, Wolves have to play every one of the top six â and it starts with an Arsenal side who couldn't stop scoring if you shot them all in the kneecaps.

Three consecutive draws has kept Wolves' total ticking over, and although they'll want a win sooner rather than later, a draw against a rampaging Arsenal would make them very happy indeed.

What won't happen: WengerâÂÂs boys to be as generous in the last 20 as they were with West Ham
What will happen: Wolves to put in a brave underdog performance but come away empty-handed

It's The Big One.

Yes, I know I said that last week about Arsenal-Spurs, and that was A Big One, but this is A Bigger One â THE Big One â unless of course you're an Arsenal fan or a Spurs fan, in which case The Big One was last week and indeed A Big One and A Happy One it was if you're an Arsenal fan but if you're a Spurs fan maybe not so much

And although Chelsea are unlikely to bang in the four goals a game they've been averaging recently, victory over Fergie's men is, for once, the likely outcome.

What won't happen: What I think will happen, which is a Chelsea win
What will happen: More Drog headlines. Top Drog? Every Drog Has His Day? Or will it be a Drog's Dinner?

New Hull chairman Adam Pearson this week: "Phil [Brown] will be manager on Sunday but there's no point me saying he's got a job for life â that's not the case. We need results quickly, and that puts pressure on everyone at the club."

Ah yes, the lesser-known meaning of 'everyone', in this case meaning 'Phil Brown'.

What won't happen: Anything but an away win
What will happen: A certain headset-wearing permatan to be seen asking for directions to the JobCentrePlus

There are so many out-of-form teams in the Premier League itâÂÂs amazing one ever manages to beat the other.

No doubt about it: their win over Villa midweek was an absolutely massive result â their first triumph since the opening day of the season and their first home win in the league.

But with goal-getter Carlton Cole in a race to be fit, theyâÂÂll struggle to keep the momentum going â even if Hinez meanz goalz.

What wonâÂÂt happen: Frankie Zola to bring out his famous Godfather impression in the post-match interview. âÂÂCallum Davenport â he sleeps with the fishes,â the Italian announces to a bemused Garth Crooks
What will happen: Zola and Moyes finish content with a draw

When you bag the big fish (3-1 over Chelsea; 1-1 with Man City) but get swallowed by the minnows (0-4 Portsmouth; 1-2 Hull), it's not easy for a Wigan fan to predict how his team will perform against a slippery eel like Fulham.

And I'm not even a Wigan fan.

So I'm going with a Fulham win, because the voices in my head told me to and they're what I really base these predictions on. Don't act so surprised.

What won't happen: The Duffless Cottagers to fall to a sobering defeat
What will happen: Fulham to take suitable revenge on Roma by, er, beating Wigan

It's probably for the best that Liverpool have to wait until Monday to have a go at grabbing their first win in four matches.

These are bitter times for Benitez, but Superbad McLeish is McLovin' it.

What won't happen: Ryan Babel, bless him, to score two stunners in two games. More likely to see a repeat of the hilariously awful free-kick that followed
What will happen: A narrow win to save Rafa's skin

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